Rejection

For anyone who needs a bit of a heart-to-heart after getting rejected

By Vera Li

In life, we will be rejected. Not only will we be rejected, but we’re bound to be rejected many times — from schools, jobs, and relationships. But, through experiences, I've realized that although it can be painfully disappointing, rejection doesn't have to be seen as a bad thing.

For me, it helps for me to think of rejection as a lesson and, moreover, an opportunity for self-growth. Rejection might be what ultimately pushes you to improve yourself and your skills. Maybe you weren’t ready to make it onto the sports team, and with extra training, you not only make it but you thrive on the team as a result of all your hard work. Maybe you weren’t ready for a relationship because you needed more time to heal yourself first. Rejection humbles us. It reminds us to keep learning and growing so that we can continue to become a better version of ourselves.

But let’s be real, rejection doesn’t always lead to eventual success in getting that job or getting into that college. I get it. Sometimes, there just isn’t an opportunity to try again. Or maybe you don’t feel empowered and motivated to try again. That doesn’t make you weak, that makes you human. We all burnout at some point in our lives, and it doesn’t make you any less of a hard-worker just because you don’t have the energy to push yourself harder. Sometimes, you just feel dejected and angry, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

While rejection might not be the spark that pushes you to try again and achieve that goal, I don’t necessarily see that as a bad thing. I personally believe that sometimes, rejection is simply a helpful sign from the universe that whatever you were pursuing just wasn’t right for you.

That person you fell in love with who rejected you? Maybe they would have been toxic for you. That college you were so certain you would be happy at? Maybe it wasn’t the best fit for you, and you would have a more meaningful, valuable experience somewhere else.

Of course, by all means if it is something you want to do, don’t let rejection stop you from achieving whatever goal it is that you have. But sometimes, either by circumstance or a gut feeling, rejection is a sign that you are meant to pursue a different path. It signals us to tap into our inner desires and really evaluate whether that dream we have is really right for us.

When I was rejected from every summer science research program I applied to in the summer before senior year, I felt pretty lousy. I felt like getting rejected meant that I wasn’t smart enough, that I didn’t have anything going for me. Everybody else is accomplishing so much more, doing research, working, managing nonprofits… and I’m not smart enough to keep up. It sucked. I also couldn’t reapply again the next year because of the age requirements

So I took it as a sign that this summer research program wasn’t right for me, and that I was meant to use this summer break for something else. And you know what? That something else turned out to be just as great, if not better, than getting into a science research program. I had more time than ever to take care of my mental health, I started writing about mental health, I co-founded a body positivity podcast with a friend, and I also just used more of this time to write college application essays. Getting rejected forced me to redirect my focus, and to be honest, I feel like writing about mental health and talking about body positivity is more in line with my vision than writing a research paper on protein folding over Zoom.

Would I have been happier and had a more valuable educational experience in the science research programs? Technically, I’ll never know. Maybe I would have, maybe not. But what I do know is that getting rejected from these programs gave me more time to understand myself and discover that I had a passion for public health. I chose to take the opportunity of extra time to work on myself and my personal endeavors.

“For every door that closes, a window opens.”

I think that this concept can be applied to college rejections. I really hope that those who didn’t get into the colleges they wanted are able to find a new path and achieve every single one of their dreams. Whether you are planning to re-apply as a transfer student to your dream college the next year or you will be attending a college that perhaps you’re not very excited about, I have faith that you will find your own way to achieve your goals at your own pace, and you look back on this rejection as a mere stepping stone in your journey to success.

And don’t get me wrong, it was so much easier said than done to get over a rejection. I won’t pretend like it’s so easy to move on and that I don’t still struggle with my self-esteem after a less-than-ideal result. However, rejection has taught me a lot throughout my life, and I wanted to share my experiences. I want others to feel reassured that whether a rejection inspires them to work harder towards that dream or, instead, inspires them to redirect their energy towards different priorities, we can all learn something from the many rejections we receive in life. The important takeaway is to not let rejection be the end point because it’s really just another checkpoint that we must pass in life to get where we need to go.

I hope this post can be of some help to anyone who is struggling with their self-worth following a few or many rejection letters. It’s also important to recognize that this year’s college admission season was extraordinarily difficult, more difficult than past years, for a variety of reasons. There are so many hardworking, talented students out there who didn’t get into the schools they wanted, even though they 100% deserved it. I feel for you, and I sincerely hope that the rejection letter or letters you received will only support you in your journey to success and that something great turns up for you very soon.

Your self-worth is never defined by rejection, and I have faith that you will succeed in whatever path you choose to take. <3